Insert Title Here
by Texas McFreedoms
Summary: Random writing. And before you say anything, Memory is for Carolina and nobody else. (everything is short, forever.)
1. Donut's Dream of What-The-Fuck

**HEY, SO I WAS WRITING WITH RUBY, AND I WROTE THIS. READ IT GUYS! :D**

~•~

random oneshot 1.0

donut what the actual fuck man

Donut was utterly confused about the scene before him.

Doc was running around screaming in terror, Epsilon was chasing the other fragments as they ran around the camp, Wash was having a shoving match with Tucker, Caboose was playing hide and seek with ...a gun? Freckles? He didn't know. Sarge was firing the tank at Simmons of all people while Grif cackled with glee, Kimball and Doyle were drinking tea, Locus and Felix were shooting wildly, the four lieutenants were stalking the mercenaries, and Carolina would _just not stop_ screeching "Order, order!" at the chaos.

"What's going on here?" he yelled at the top of his lungs. "What the hell are you guys _doing_?"

Everyone paused- well, most people did. The fragments didn't stop for one second. "..Being chaotic?" called Wash hesitantly.

"Well I don't like it! Stop this nonsense!" He leapt down from his place above all of them. He shot a glare to the colorful fragment mob. "You guys too!"

"Awww, but I don't wanna..," pouted Theta. "Tag is fun!" He ran off again as Epsilon approached.

"Damnit Donut, you had one job," Epsilon growled as he sped up to match Theta's speed.

"..Hey, wait up!" shouted Donut. "You guys can join in too I guess.." Soon the camp was consumed in the largest game of tag there. Teams slowly formed, reds vs blues, as odd as it might be. There was an unspoken agreement within the teams: don't tag anyone who shares your color. If you didn't fit into the standard color scheme, you were sorted by accent color, which went by warm colors - red and cool colors - blue. This game went on for what seemed to be eternities.

The teams began to dissolve steadily, the Reds joining the Blues until there was nobody left but Donut and an exhausted Sarge on Red team. It was just him against the mob, he was alone and-

He woke up. "Oh, thank god it was just a dream!"

"Oh, hey babyyy~" Donut sat upright, chills running down his spine.

"..Doc?" he whispered. "What are you doing in my bed..?"

"Don't you remember? We-"

And then he woke up again. This time, he took a good look around. It was just him and his room, in the dark. "What the fuck, me."

~•~

_**THE END.**_

_It's safe to say I do not ship Docnut at all in the slightest. And that Theta is my fav. Also I totally stole this idea from Ruby. Man, this is short. _


	2. Wash, Imagination Crusher

**I seriously have too much time on my hands.**

**OH SHIT GUYS! I forgot a disclaimer on like... Everything. Fuck.**

**I DON'T OWN RED VS BLUE! If I did Theta would be not dead, cause Theta is my favorite.**

**You guys know where this takes place, right? Always the same damn place. Chorus. Unless it's Valhalla. Then it's Valhalla.**

~•~

random oneshot 1.2

oh noooooo

Wash sat on a small roofed terrace, watching Caboose run around chattering excitedly to his gun – Freckles. The slides were shot full of holes and metal frame was battered and dented, but Caboose didn't mind. He didn't notice, he didn't care, he didn't mind a single damn thing that wasn't involved or interfering with his imaginary mission. Wash was a bit jealous of his ability to block things out.

"Pshewwwww! Bang bang bang BOOM!" Caboose jumped on the stairs, bending them in the middle, and ran with loud, heavy footsteps across the set to Wash. "Pew pew! Wash, the bad guy shot you!" he yelled almost right into his ears.

"Ow. Oh no, I'm in trouble, who will save me." Wash had always felt obligated to play along if Caboose decided that he was in it. Denying him would do nothing but make the idiot sad. Didn't mean he had to be enthusiastic about it, though.

"I will!" shouted Caboose as he jumped over the side and ran around in a twisting path around the playground set. "Don't worry, Washingtub!" Wash sighed.

"Oh noooo." Caboose sprinted up the twisted slide. He army-crawled across the gunshot hole riddledtunnel bridge. He did the half busted swinging monkeybars with his feet. Leaped across the hole in the path from a long-gone explosion. Saved Freckles from nonexistent lava. And then he finally arrived behind Wash, grinning.

"I have come to save you, Washingtub!" Caboose offered Wash a hand. Wash didn't take it, instead grabbing a beam for support.

"Yaaay."

"Let's go! ...uh, but where..?"

"This slide goes down." Wash pointed to the slide that snaked down from the terrace. "Perfect way out."

"Oh! Good! Wheeeeee!" Caboose ran -no, tumbled- down the slide, clutching Freckles. Wash sighed and followed him down, jumping off the edge when Caboose hit the ground. "POW POW! Watch out, Washingtub! The evil bad guys are here!"

"Oh no. I'm so scared of the evil bad men," Wash said in perfect monotone. "Protect me, Captain Super Caboose."

"Okay! Pew pew shooty bang boom!" Caboose ran around, waving his gun at the air as Wash stood there by the base of the slide. "PSHHHHHEEEEEEEEEWWW! Duck, they have lazer missiles!"

"Oh nooo." Wash sat down by the slide, wondering when the hell Caboose would be done. "Captain Super Caboose, whatever will we do."

"Don't worrrryyyyy! I will save you!" He jumped onto the slide. "RATATATATATATATATATATATAA!" He then put away Freckles. "All the bad guys are dead. We can go home now! And have food-nap time!" Caboose started to skip back to the main camp, once again leaving Wash to silently follow him.

Sometimes, Wash wished he wasn't the only one who would supervise Caboose.

~•~

**I don't even know guys. I was just gonna thieve Ruby's magician idea and then it turned into this.**


	3. Snow Day of LIES

**It almost never snows here in the Californian foothills of the Sierra Nevada. Lucky for me, my grandparents have a house in South Lake Tahoe. Plenty of snow there. (This is short. Again. Help me.)**

**NOTE: this ain't limited to canon (as in, currently alive) characters. I do what I want, bitches. **

**And I mostly always try to include Theta. Yay Theta! :D**

~•~

random oneshot 2.0

snow day! or is it?

It was white outside. Dunes of sparkling white 'sand' dominated the landscape, mostly burying many structures. It was silent and cold, nothing disturbing the peaceful false hills... Until a mound erupted, an armored man climbing out of the hole. "Woo hoo! Snow!" he yelled, jumping with joy. "I'm going to build a snow-Church!"

A child, bundled up in a pink and dark blue outfit, and a bright green clothed teenager soon followed him, the child throwing small handfuls of the stuff into the air. "I love snoooow! ..but this feels kinda like sand. Are you sure this is snow..?"

The teen scooped some up. "Negative, Theta. The temperature is 50 degrees Fahrenheit. This is not melting under the sun, nor is it turning to liquid water in my hands. I am sure further testing will reveal it to be a non-water-based substance."

"Deeeeltuh. Stop saying things, that are not true. This is most definitely snow! See, it is outside. And it is white. And it is cold. So it must be snow!" Caboose crossed his arms and huffed at Delta.

"Caboose, it could be many things, such as glass, salt, sugar-" Delta was cut off.

"I'm going to eat some!" Theta proclaimed, and immediately shoved some in his mouth.

"Theta, I would not advise-"

"Sugar!" The cry echoed through out the half broken city. Theta, being a small child, ate some more and started to run all over the place, leaving Delta to stutter about calculations and not being possible. Meanwhile, people had been awakened by the shout, and were digging out of their homes. The children helped by eating some of it. "Come on, Caboose!" Caboose tore off after him, leaving a trail of overturned sugar in his wake.

.:-:.

York tapped on Delta's shoulder. "It really isn't that bad. So it rained sugar. I'm sure there was a fire at a candy factory somewhere and the smoke's high sugar content turned the snow into sugar in the clouds."

"But- but this shouldn't be physically possible.."

"Just leave it alone, Dee."

.:-:.

"Isn't this fun Caboose? Sugar angels, sugar sledding, sugar forts.. It's almost like sweet snow." Theta smiled at Caboose happily.

"I wanted to build a snow-Church, though," sadly replied Caboose. "Then Church could have a body again!"

"Caboose, I don't think Church could use a body made of sugar."

"But he could try!"

"Well, he could try.."

"It would work! For sure! Sugar best friend!"

"..I don't think it would work. Wanna have a sugar fight?" Theta grabbed a large handful of sugar and tried to loosely pack it into a ball. "Aw, it doesn't stay together. Oh well!" He threw the dust into Caboose's face, who only laughed and threw a huge glob of sugar into Theta's face. He fell over with a yelp.

"Oh no! Theta, are you okay?"

"No.." Theta slowly sat up, brushing gritty sugar off of his face. "..My face hurts. Maybe a sugar fight is a bad idea, Caboose. After all, you have a helmet."

"Okay! I will go help those people, their door is being flooded!" Caboose ran off, leaving Theta alone in the sugar.

"I wish this was real snow."

~•~

**Yes, I did make the AIs humans. You got a problem with that? It snowed fucking sugar. **


	4. Frosty the Churchman

**EYO Y'ALL! Remember: I own pretty much nothin. Don't sue me, imaginary lawyers. **

~•~

random oneshot 1.3

aw yiss kickass snow body

Caboose was outside Blue Base, rolling up snow into balls. "Snoooow Church, Snoooooow Church. Makin a snoooooow Church."

"..Do you want help, Caboose?" asked Wash. "I could find you some sticks or something.." Wash shuffled uncomfortably. Caboose was a little obsessed with Church, but it was nice that today wasn't one of those days..

"Yes! Church needs his sniper gun!" Caboose lifted a ball, placing it onto crudely shaped legs, and began to mold it into a torso.

"Well, I'll go find one." Wash was glad to get away from Caboose for a bit, but he couldn't stay away for too long. He'd set the snow on fire.

Wash headed up the short stairs and into the base. There was a sniper rifle in this place somewhere, upstairs. He climbed by the storage room, where he kept the supplies, went past the broken lab, past Tucker's makeshift bedroom, past the place where he had put the unrepairable things. Finally, he arrived in his room, at the top. A few cat pictures adorned the walls, above his cot. There were a few scattered boxes, a couple of guns laying around. The sniper rifle lay on one of the bigger boxes. He grabbed it, and went down again, only to find that Caboose had finished and was impatient to add the gun. "Here," he said, handing Caboose the rifle.

"Took you long enough! Now.." Caboose adjusted the hands to hold the gun. "There! Now snow Church and me can be best friends forever! Come on snow Church!" The snowman sprang to life, following Caboose as he marched through the canyon. Faintly, he heard Caboose singing extremely off-key, "Churchy the snooowmannn.."

~•~

**Short story strikes again! This one is pretty meh over all though. ...****Where am I even getting these ideas? **


	5. Ringalingadingdong

**I don't own Red vs Blue. Seriously, if you think I do, get your head checked. You just might be Caboose. **

~•~

random oneshot 1.4

am I still willing to foot all this billing? no.

It was just a normal day in Chorus. People were plotting, The Feds and News were listening to Caboose talk about Blood Gulch, and Carolina was beating up anyone who looked suspicious. Suddenly, Wash's armor began to chime. "Dude, what the hell?" Tucker asked as Wash began to press some random buttons.

"Someone is calling me." Wash didn't know who exactly, the caller was just numbers. "How the fuck do I answer?" he grumbled quietly.

"Man, you have a phone in your suit. Why the fuck do you get a phone in your suit? Is it to call chicks? Can I use it?"

"No." He gave up on the outside, and tried to answer from inside of his helmet to no avail. "I didn't even know I had one."

"Why is it still ringing? It's been like, 5 minutes. What the fuck." Finally, Wash decided to just rip off his helmet. "Dude, you have, like, an ugly face. No wonder you almost never take your helmet off."

"Shut up." Wash found the answer button, which was on his wrist... He growled in frustration at discovering this. Wash shoved his helmet back on and marched away, talking to whoever had called him.

"Heh heh, I got a photo." Tucker ran off to find Epsilon.

.:-:.

"Dude, this looks like if Carolina was a dude. And hadn't dyed her hair. And had gotten it cut really short," Epsilon said, staring at the picture. He pulled out a photo of Carolina, just to make sure.

"What if.." Tucker grinned, just a little evilly.

"Don't even go there. No way man. No way." Epsilon waved his hands. "No waaayyy."

"Church, you don't know shit. How do you know they aren't twins or something? Look at their faces!"

"He does have the same eyes..."

"Plus they're both badasses. And you say she's blond? Like, the same shade? I'm 1000% sure they're related. There is no doubt."

"How the hell do we go about proving that?"

"We do genetics testing? That crazy doctor lady seems like she could do it."

"Let's go."

.:-:.

"Soo. Uh, Grey. We were wondering if you'd like to perform some secret genetics experiments?" Epsilon asked as Dr. Grey's face lit up. "Nothing too drastic, like cutting people open," he quickly added. Her face fell faster that it had risen.

"Oh well. Still sounds like fun! What do you want to do exactly?" To this, Tucker handed her the photos.

"They look related, right? Can you prove whether they are or aren't without giving it away?"

"Of course! Geniuses shouldn't be bad liars, should they?"

"Great."

.:-:.

"Why do I need blood testing?" Wash asked in bewilderment.

"Cause we don't have your blood type on file. Plus, other stuff. Complicated medical things."

"Alright.."

.:-:.

_And then mostly the same thing happened with Carolina, only Jason from IT got murdered brutally. Jason was a jerk though so who cares?_

.:-:.

"The results are in.." Dr. Grey handed Tucker the papers.

"Yeah, I have no idea what these mean," Tucker replied, staring at the paper.

"They're siblings." _You dunce_, she added to herself.

"Hah. I win, Church." Dr. Grey threw up her arms and walked away. Too stupid.

.:-:.

"Carolina, how come you never told me that Wash was your brother?" Epsilon crossed his arms in mild anger.

"..." Carolina turned around. "How. Do. You. Know. That?"

"Aw shit."

Later, nobody was happy. Except for Caboose.

~•~

**How did this even? I just was thinking about the song Contact and then Wash got a phone and what. Just what. Whaaaaat.**


End file.
